Where Freedom Is Private, Rules Are Optional, and Power Comes With a Premium Plan
Congratulations, traveler—you’ve arrived in the New United States of America, a bold experiment in Extreme Limited Government™. Here, we’ve streamlined democracy, outsourced accountability, and let the market decide almost everything (especially things you used to vote on). Please enjoy your stay, provided you’ve accepted the terms and conditions.
🗽 Government, Simplified
Why waste time with federal oversight when private actors can handle it faster and with fewer questions?
In the New USA™, government focuses on what it does best:
- Cutting budgets
- Delegating responsibility
- Explaining why nothing can be done
Everything else—speech moderation, labor rules, healthcare access, housing availability—is proudly managed by corporations, shareholders, and occasionally algorithms. Efficiency has never felt so liberating.
🏙️ Local Experiences You’ll Love
Each region offers a unique flavor of freedom, depending on which laws are enforced this week.
- Law enforcement varies by ZIP code for an authentic, personalized experience
- Courts available upon request, subject to arbitration clauses
- Elections offered seasonally, with optional legitimacy
Local control means every state gets to decide which federal laws are just “suggestions.” It’s like fifty countries in one—without the inconvenience of passports or standards.
🏥 Healthcare & Housing Adventures
Looking for healthcare? Housing? A basic necessity?
In the New USA™, these are exciting market-based journeys:
- Hospitals are owned by private equity—catch them while supplies last
- Rent prices fluctuate hourly for maximum thrill
- Insurance coverage doubles as a puzzle game
Consumer choice is everywhere, even when options are not.
🏢 Corporate Culture & Governance
Meet America’s new civic leaders: corporations too big to fail, regulate, or understand.
- Speech rules enforced by Terms of Service, not the Constitution
- Worker rights governed by HR policies and noncompete clauses
- Environmental standards handled with thoughts and prayers
Who needs public accountability when quarterly earnings calls are so transparent?
🚔 Safety & Security
Public safety has been thoughtfully redesigned:
- Policing is strong, but selectively applied
- Private security options available for premium customers
- Gated communities double as cultural landmarks
Freedom feels safest behind a gate.
📜 Important Travel Tips
- Always read the fine print—your rights may expire
- If something feels unfair, try customer support
- If that fails, upgrade your plan
Remember: power never disappears here—it just changes ownership.
🇺🇸 The New American Promise
The New USA™ isn’t a third-world country—it’s something far more innovative. A nation where institutions still exist, but only in theory. Where democracy is discussed often, practiced selectively, and monetized efficiently.
So welcome, traveler.
Enjoy the freedom.
And if you have concerns, please submit them in writing—to the market.